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Please Mister Steve May I Pee?

Apple's CEO is starting to piss people off again.


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We're not taking the Mickey on you - this is real. Journalists at Apple's hypergay WWDC recently were prevented from using restrooms on the premises without an escort (of the same sex naturally - this is Apple). At least when internal security determined either Steve Jobs or the new iPhone were within fifty metres.

Apple need a new CEO and IT need a new Apple.

Computerworld's Ramblin' Matt Hamblen was in the 'secure press area' when Jobs was finishing his hype of the latest gadget and suddenly he felt nature calling. He started off for the head but was stopped by Apple Gestapo. No way. He would need an escort.

When Hamblen got inside the head he asked sarcastically if the escort wanted to watch.

[This is Apple - that's a reasonable question. Ed.]

The guard replied mysteriously: 'you have to wash up by yourself'.

Repeat Performance

An hour later Ramblin' Matt felt nature calling again. By now the paranoia of the place had got to him and so he went to another kommandant to ask. He decided to try the 'straight' approach and confronted a female MacPolizei.

'Do you think I could handle a walk to the bathroom on my own?' he asked.

'Nein', she replied.

So Rambin' Matt went back to his main man. Did this person perhaps think Matt was ill? Tremblin' Matt felt obliged to explain before they shipped him off to the Gulag.

'I'm sure I look like an old man with a bladder problem but I've been drinking a lot of coffee', tried Matt with Gestapo officer #1. Surprisingly he was allowed to go but under certain new conditions.

He was told he had to be v-e-r-y q-u-i-e-t as His Holiness Steve with the Crooked Walk was nearby being interviewed by some of Matt's press colleagues. And of course nothing could be allowed to disturb Mister Steve's rather shaky presence of mind.

Not Alone

Ramblin' Matt and his colleagues immediately thought of the hypocrisy of the 'Get a Mac' ads where the Mac guy is supposed to be so cool and it's the PC guy who's so uptight. But it's the other way around, says Hamblen. Anyone viewing the Mossberg interview with Gates and Jobs saw the same thing - Gates is very relaxed and Jobs sits walks and talks like he's got an acorn up his arse.

'I presume Apple wanted to prevent me and other reporters from sneaking off to one of the interview rooms where the new iPhone 2.0 was being displayed', says Hamblen. But this is the best they can organise things? This is the same company with the endless list of UI cosmetic bugs that just grows and grows and grows? Some organisation there, Steve!

Apple need a new CEO and IT need a new Apple.

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