At Last!

Week of August 23, 2004

Microsoft's Windows XP Service Pack 2 is all you wanted and more.

Were you tired of all the exploits, of the inherently junky chassis that is Windows, of diminishing returns on CPU and RAM because of your Registry? Complain no more - Windows XP Service Pack 2 is here and it's all you ever dreamed it would be.

Propped to the hilt with both innovations and de novo innovations, Windows XP Service Pack 2 is the ultimate operating system that users of other operating systems drool over and envy.

Propped to the hilt with the latest in security technology, Windows XP Service Pack 2 means you will be able to surf the net safer than ever before, safer than anyone on a different platform, that you'll be able to send and receive email in a format of your choosing with no risk your computer will be ever compromised, that you'll be able to run MSN Messenger again - and more.

Windows XP Service Pack 2 is propped to the hilt.

Microsoft research scientists have worked hard and long on this important milestone in the History of Computing, spending as much as THREE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS on its completion. No stone has been left unturned, no enhancement dismissed, no amount of work was too much for these hardy people. Chief Software Architect Bill Gates was also intimately involved in the on-going struggle, urging his fellow developers on at every impasse, making sure they didn't settle for second best.

And now the results are in: Windows XP Service Pack 2 is The Finest Software Program Ever Written - anywhere, anytime, ever. With over 80,000,000 (eighty million) lines of code, it dwarfs the mainframe operating systems of old that used to run the ICBMs and the banks and Pentagon networks.

Windows XP Service Pack 2 is The Most Advanced (And Secure) Operating System In The World, and it's now available to you, Dear Consumer, for use right there on your desktop in your kitchen, amidst all your Heinz Baked Beans tins and empty vodka glasses.

And if you believed a single word of the above tripe, you're a complete twit.