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Let's Get Elliptical


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Andy Churchill at EE probably wishes he never messed with Ellipse Designs (http://ellipse.to), whose site administrator definitely took issue with EE's questionable marketing techniques.

Churchill claimed to have happened by the Ellipse site by accident and written his first letter to Ellipse almost spontaneously; Ellipse was neither fooled nor amused. Herewith the 'elliptical' retrospective on the affair.

Business Propositions (And Where They Get You)

In the year or so that Ellipse Designs has been running, more than a few people have tried to 'get in on the action' of the traffic I've created MYSELF, to the Ellipse Designs site.

These people search the web for software products that even REMOTELY resemble theirs, and read NOTHING about the software itself.

From: EE Support <associates@evidence-eliminator.com>
Subject: Business proposition

Hi,

Re: Your site at:

http://designs.ellipse.to/

(by way of introduction, my name is Andy Churchill, and I head the operations at Evidence Eliminator Software, one of the World's best known anti-forensic hard drive cleaning tools. Nominated as a finalist in this years 7th Annual ZDNet Shareware Awards, our recommendations include ZDTV and the Kim Komando Show.)

I noticed you're actively promoting Security Utilities on the Web.

Your company and our company seem to be targeting the same kind of customer. The type of people who visit your site would also visit ours and are highly qualified to purchase our software too. You may not realize it but you have a lot of unique and specialized traffic who are spending time browsing for interesting and useful products.

Your Website visitors are actively concerned with online security.

Our Evidence Eliminator software is an ideal product for these people.

Evidence Eliminator software provides proven one-click protection against all known Forensic Analysis Software and gives your vistors complete peace of mind about deleting anything they accidentally download and need to permanently remove from their system. Many of our customers are probably already using your Software and I think many of your customers would be grateful and thank you for introducting them to Evidence Eliminator software. We expect to convert a high percentage of your surplus Website traffic into sales of Evidence Eliminator, meaning great revenue for your Website.

I think there is a lot of money to be made for both of us, offering Evidence Eliminator to your existing customers and Website visitors.

Send your surplus traffic over to us and convert it to hard cash.

We have an Associate Program which is easy and fully automatic. We supply a short piece of text which you can paste into your Website. It lets you make 'money for nothing' from your existing Website.

You can also promote our software to your existing customer e-mail database with coded URL links and receive automatic payments.

Our product is a proven big seller. We do all the work for you.

We have a proven track record of converting traffic to cash.

We convert approx 10-15% of the new visitors we generate into credit card sales @ $39.95 each.

A 10% discount incentive is available to your customers and we pay you a further 25% commission. That is at least $10.00 per sale paid to you. If you send us qualified hits which we can convert to 10 sales per day, you will earn $700 per week, automatically, simply for putting a link on your Website.

We send USA CitiBank checks in US$, we credit British Bank Account numbers and issue International Money Order payments too.

I hope this is of interest to you, and our free no-obligation application form will give you further details by immediate e-mail response at...

My Reply: (My comments are in bold)

From: Ellipse Network Admin <admin@ellipse.to>
Subject: Re: Business proposition

I just have a couple points to make here...

1) Your Website visitors are actively concerned with online security.

NO, if you had read about the program, you'd know it's NOT for the net, but PC Security (Its called PC Deadbolt by the way, but I'm sure you already knew that [sarcasm])

2) Evidence Eliminator software provides proven one-click protection against all known Forensic Analysis Software

THIS has nothing to do with mine.

3) Send your surplus traffic over to us and convert it to hard cash.

PAPER money is floppy, COINS are hard - get the significance?

4) We have an Associate Program which is easy and fully automatic.

As do thousands of other people out there who don't know how to create traffic of their own.

5) We supply a short piece of text which you can paste into your Website.

GREAT! ANOTHER FREAKIN BANNER!

6) It lets you make 'money for nothing' from your existing Website.

Nothing? Are you calling my website's visitors NOTHING? The traffic I worked hard to create? You're earning REAL brownie points here.

7) You can also promote our software to your existing customer e-mail database with coded URL links and receive automatic payments.

GREAT! Now I can HELP you spam THEM too!!!

8) Our product is a proven big seller.

Obviously not.

9) We have a proven track record of converting traffic to cash.

Ohhh, it shows! It really shows!

10) We convert approx 10-15% of the new visitors we generate into credit card sales @ $39.95 each.

Yeah! That's great! For you...

11) We send USA CitiBank checks in US$, we credit British Bank Account numbers and issue International Money Order payments too.

Oh, so you spammed all of Europe too, huh? Great. Give them a taste of their own medicine.

12) I hope this is of interest to you

Don't worry, it's not.

13) and our free no-obligation application form will give you further details by immediate e-mail

Oh, I'll be sure to jump right on that!

Think next time you try spamming as a method of promoting your 'big seller', keep in mind that we're programmers too, not stupid nosepickers that don't have the brainpower to defend ourselves against useless garbage like this. GO GET YOUR OWN TRAFFIC, YA LAZY LITTLE...

His Reply:

From: EE Support <support@evidence-eliminator.com>
Subject: Business proposition

Hi,

I'm sorry but we disagree on a fundamental point of your mail.

I also disagree, strongly, with your web portrayal of our company as 'spammers'.

The URL in dispute is:

http://www.ellipse.to/proposal.html

If you're as upstanding concerned net citizen as you claim to be I ask to you print this rebuttal on your web-site. Of course you'll at least give us right of reply if you insist on publishing these statements?

At

http://designs.ellipse.to/

You write:

'This is generally software that automates the operation of many different things you would normally do manually.'

You claim below 'THIS has nothing to do with mine'

In fact it does have some relevance.

Evidence Eliminator is the World's 1st complete automated anti-forensic disk cleaning util. It

'automates the operation of many different things you would normally do manually.'

I'm sorry you don't wish to take up my offer, but I did surf your site personally and that is why I approached you.

You have stated on your web site

'These people search the web for software products that even REMOTELY resemble theirs, and read NOTHING about the software itself.'

Your statements about me and my company are false and I invite that you retract them.

Thankyou!

Yes, the rest of your mail did give some amusement too :-)

My LAST Reply:

From: Ellipse Network Admin <admin@ellipse.to>
Subject: Re: Business proposition

Oh of course your rebuttal will go on there as well - it's only fair - though mine will go right under it! I believe in keeping things organized, so get ready for an email like the last one...

1) I also disagree, strongly, with your web portrayal of our company as 'spammers'.

Yeah! And so do the other billions of people out there with (believe it or not) email addresses that they don't like getting useless email from.

2) If you're as upstanding concerned net citizen as you claim to be I ask to you print this rebuttal on your web-site. Of course you'll at least give us right of reply if you insist on publishing these statements?

So you admit that I get a lot of hits to my site, huh? And I suppose that's why you want them? Or else why would it mean THAT much for me to attack the integrity of your company with my teeny little website?

3) 'This is generally software that automates the operation of many different things you would normally do manually.' You claim below 'THIS has nothing to do with mine' In fact it does have some relevance.

SOME? You're giving me 'some'?? You mentioned a security program - NONE of my other programs have anything to do with security. Only that one. The only thing the rest of my software has in common with yours is that they run on Windows! =)

4) Evidence Eliminator is the World's 1st complete automated anti-forensic disk cleaning util.

I don't need another advertisement, I got the idea the first time. At what point do you stop sounding like a commercial and start talking like a human being?

5) I'm sorry you don't wish to take up my offer, but I did surf your site personally and that is why I approached you.

Then why is it you didn't even mention the name of the program you were referring to? Perhaps because it takes too much to do that, AND send a thousand other emails at the same time!

6) You have stated on your web site 'These people search the web for software products that even REMOTELY resemble theirs, and read NOTHING about the software itself.' Your statements about me and my company are false and I invite that you retract them.

SO you're saying that you ARE these types of people? If not, you shouldn't have anything to be insulted about. I speak my mind, and NO ONE makes me retract anything I say. I mean what I say, and if someone doesn't like what I have to say, I invite THEM, not to listen to me.

I hope you take this opportunity to realize and understand how much you irritate people with your emails. You run an operation (the affiliate program) that thousands of others have run as well, and THEY all send us developers these SAME emails. WE FIGHT BACK.

Copyright © Ellipse Designs. Used by permission.

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