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The Half-Life of Gates

Week of November 24, 2004

It's up to you - no one else but you.


Gatesium, also known as Nihilium and Heroin-Economicum, is a synthetic element in the periodic table that has the symbol Gt and atomic number 103. A radioactive metallic transuranic element in the aholinide series, gatesium is synthesised by bombarding free enterprise markets with monopolistic bullying and sub-standard products. As it has a tendency to both decompose and disperse, an artificial process known as vendor lock-in must be applied to keep it stable.

Little is known about gatesium and only one quantity of it has ever been produced. It has no uses whatsoever. Its most stable isotope, ballmerium-261, has a half-life of 1 1/2 years and decays to fossium-254 through beta decay or to stallmanium-261 through regulatory interference.

Known Properties

Name, Symbol, NumberGatesium, Gt, 103
Chemical SeriesAholinides
Half-Life1 1/2 years
Period, Block7, f
Appearanceglassy eyes; dishonest smile; dandruff
Atomic Weight[261] u (US$45 billion)
Electron Configurationdrm[C#] 0vb14 7.net2
Electons Per Energy Level2, 8, 18, 32, 34, 8, 1
State Of MatterPresumably Slimy

 - Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory

Bill Gates has a half-life of one and one half years. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow Bill Gates has only eighteen months on this planet before decay sets in.

The average life expectancy of Windows PCs is three years. They don't last longer for several reasons.

  1. The hardware itself is junk.

  2. Gates and Ballmer have a deal with Intel and AMD. The latter two keeping trying to speed things up, the former two keep trying to slow things down.

  3. Gates and Ballmer also have a deal with hard drive OEMs. Microsoft products must continually take more disk space and make last year's drives way too small.

In other words, if your Dell/Gateway is still more or less in one piece three years from now, it doesn't matter: Gates has made it obsolete anyway. So you have to get a new one.

But getting a new computer does not equate to getting a new Windows PC. Most people - including you yes YOU - assume the Windows PC is a better deal because:

  1. It's cheaper.

  2. It's got programs you're familiar with.

But a Windows PC is not cheaper - not at all. Guess what? It was just more spin by Gates and Ballmer. You're not surprised, are you? [<-- CLICK, Einstein.]

Nope. Of course not.

And hey - getting the software you want and the software you need is cheaper too. [<-- CLICK, Einstein.]

As for 'familiar', you can make it. You're grown up enough to try something different, something most experts will promise you is easier, not more difficult, than what you're using today.

Every three years the 600,000,000 PCs of the world have to be scrapped. Every three years the hegemony of Bill Gates is up for grabs. There is nothing written in stone to guarantee he has those 600,000,000 users when all those PCs are swapped for new ones. Those new machines could be running Linux instead or they might be Apple OS X Macs too.

Three years. All it takes is three years. Three years and Bill Gates is gone, gone, gone.

And the only thing standing between that major improvement in the scheme of things and the present unbelievable situation with viruses, overpriced products, trojans, worms, keystroke loggers, vulnerabilities by the hundreds - the only thing standing between all that and your freedom is you.

You. No one else - YOU.

You can make him gone. As if you waved your magic wand and PUFF he was gone. It's that easy.

Every three years it happens. Nothing cycles beyond that. Gatesium is gaseous and decomposes and disperses rather easily. Given no cooperation on your part, the air of the planet will be free of it by midsummer 2006.

OK, so will you do it?

Do you have the guts?

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