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Bill Sucks

Week of February 17, 2005

Resistance to Internet Explorer has often felt futile, but system admin Nathan Lineback never gave up. His anti-IE (and anti-MS) website, online for over seven years, is the number one ranked today, and Nathan finally feels victory within his grasp.

Following are a few excerpts. For the full read wander over.


[Undated]

So I'm just sitting at a Windows NT SP3 server with a relatively fresh install. All of a sudden there is a 'Doctor Whatthefuckson' error in EXPLORER.EXE and Explorer restarts. I have to log off and back on before the icons in the system tray show up again.

This is a mission critical system and the Explorer shell is faulty?


Please wait while Windows starts
Please wait while Windows shuts down
Please wait while the program loads
Please wait while your computer crashes
Please wait while Microsoft gets a clue
Please wait for the next great release of Microsoft Windows


And what the gell gives with the 'crash keys' on keyboards nowadays? I walk into the local computer store to get a new keyboard for my Linux box and all of the keyboards have these little gay keys on them with the evil Microsoft logo.

Sure, I know they're for brain dead users who can't figure out Ctrl-Esc.

There was also this one brand that had one of those wussy keyboard warning messages permanently printed on the keyboard. I can understand leaflets and stickers, but what if I am not a wuss and do not want to see that gay message? Don't even get me started about those 'natural' keyboards.

And I am sick and tired of dildos making their pages only viewable with IE4. Screw them and screw their wussy little web browser. They think that just because Bill tells them that they are at the center of the universe that they really are. They should be ashamed of themselves for not at least trying to make their web pages viewable and usable to all web users. Regardless if they are IE, Netscape, Mosaic, Opera or Lynx users.


Windows has three completely different shell modes: Program Manager, Windows 95, and 'view your hard drive as a stupid web page'.

[Undated]

Now really, Bill, what makes you think users want 'web integration'? Eh? What did you do? Interview 100,000 lusers who said 'we don't know what we want, where is the any key'? And possibly one guy from Detroit who said 'making the browser the desktop would be neat - and I like purple'?

End lusers just smile and drool. Experienced users are screaming bloody murder. IT pros ban IE. The DOJ is bitching about it. Twenty states are suing.

Why is that?

Oh I don't know.

21 December 1998

Got to start dating my rants.

  • Bill lied about Win95 OSR2 not being able to boot up if IE3 was removed. I have been installing OSR2 without IE3 for quite a while on a number of machines and they all work great.
  • Bill lied about IE4 being 'integrated' with Windows 98. See the 98Lite site.
  • Bill claims his products are bug free.
  • Bill claims everything he does is 'for the benefit of the consumer'. The majority of consumers would yell and scream about what he's doing if it weren't for the fact that 90% of them don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

23 December 1998

I had a really fucked up nightmare last night.

I dreamt I was a system admin for a large corporation with thousands of computers. I was somehow monitoring disk activity and process activity on all of the PCs and was horrified to see copy after copy of Netscape Navigator being uninstalled right before my eyes. I tried to save a few by locking files on some PCs, and somehow terminating the uninstaller on others, but it was no use.

I then went to this person (a boss I guess) and asked about what just happened. The person explained that they just announced to all users that they needed to uninstall Netscape Navigator, and ran this crap by me about how 'multiple browsers were a problem in the work place and a waste of hard drive space'. I didn't get a word in edgewise, but I was wanting to tell the sack of shit that the real problem was Microsoft not allowing users to remove Internet Explorer.

The scary part was when I woke up, I realized this really wasn't so far fetched.

20 January 1999

A secret internal Microsoft document was uncovered today entitled 'To Serve Customers'. It turned out to be a cookbook. Microsoft is bad, very bad. Bill eats users for breakfast and competing corporations for lunch. If Microsoft did what they did in any other industry, they would have been broken up and thrown in jail a long time ago.

26 January 1999

IE4 is the biggest piece of shit I have ever had the misfortune of seeing. It is probably one of the few applications in the world that is actually incompatible with hardware. That thing fucks up royally on our Compaq Armada 15xx laptops. Of course I keep telling these idiots to use Netscape Navigator, because I have never seen Netscape Navigator cause any kind of hardware incompatibility, or software incompatibility for that matter.

It makes me physically ill to think that Microfuckheads is forcing OEMs to bundle this piece of trash, and it is unremovable in Windows 98.

2 March 1999

Windows 98 is a piece of fucking damn ass shit. I can't emphasize that enough. One of the departments in my office bought themselves a new computer, which of course came pre-fucked up with Winfuckingdoze 98. This computer is being connected a a piece of testing equipment TO GET WORK DONE. It is not going to be connected to any network at all, and if it were to be connected to the office LAN we would not use the evil Internet Explorer shitware.

Anyway, I only noticed this computer because they called me back there to load some software on another computer and while I was back there they were complaining about how this computer has all of this Internet stuff that they didn't want on it. In case you are wondering, 'they' in this case are a couple of typical joe-blow users who know how to click the mouse but not much more, and even they realized that what was going on was wrong.

Anyway, I spent about an hour unfucking and cleaning up Windoze 98 so they could get their work done without being bothered by Bill's damn browser or advertising. And I happen to know where all the damn settings are. And there are DOZENS of them.

Steps I took to unfuck the damn computer:

  1. Resist urge to smash the computer with a sledge hammer.
  2. Hide toolbars, location bar, and the directory bar. Turn off 'View as web page'. Select view - 'like current folder'.
  3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 several times on different folders because view - 'like current folder' does not apply settings to all folders.
  4. Remove fucking web page from background and then turn off Active Desktop (won't let you turn it off until you do).
  5. Delete advertising from channel bar. Close the channel bar and tell it not to start again. Delete the advertising in the C:\Windows\Web folder. Delete contents of C:\Windows\Favorites. Delete unwanted icons from desktop (IE, MSN, Online Services, etc).
  6. Go to Add/Remove Programs in the Control Panel and remove Internet related items and reboot. (Now where is the option to remove IE4? Oh fuck, that's right: Bill won't let me do that.)
  7. Install Netscape Navigator from CD (because this is not connected to any network) just so they have a real browser to use just in case they happen to need to open a local HTML document.
  8. Re-install Netscape Navigator and mess with file associations several times because I accidentally clicked on something that launched IE and it took over the URL file associations again and for some reason refused to let Netscape take them back.
  9. Broke out TweakUI 98 and told it to disable as much of web bullshit as possible. Now the desktop properties look like normal.
  10. Swear at the evil Bill as this is all I can do short of installing 98Lite or Win95 without IE3, which I would have done if it weren't for the fact that technically this computer is not my direct responsibility since it was not purchased through the computer operations department.

31 March 1999

I was just wondering what the future will really hold. What if the world really comes to accept Bills evil 'integrated' browser? I doubt the world has any choice but to do that. We will surf the Microsoft Internet using a Microsoft browser visiting Microsoft sites while drinking Microsoft Milk and everybody will be happy because they have no clue that alternatives ever existed.

What if Bill removes his web browser (if we are lucky the DOJ will order this) and then tries to sweep this huge ass mistake under the rug? Microsoft could do it too. Will the browser wars be forgotten? To me it should rank right up there with WWI and WWII.

21 April 1999

People who uninstall Netscape in favor of IE make me sick. Real sick. These people are evil drones.

7 May 1999

I hate Bill Gates. Why doesn't Bill crawl into a corner and die? His body will decompose and turn into IE4. I'll tear his head off and feed it to my butt.

1 June 1999

What is my problem with Internet Explorer? It is not that it exists; it is how how Bill has made it unremovable from Windows 98 and welded other products to it. As the local support person I need to be able to choose what applications are and are not installed on the computers. And Bill Gates is going to have to physically come over to my house and lobotomize me before I believe that IE is not just an application.

24 November 1999

Web integration is fucking stupid. Ten years from now (or perhaps even sooner) people will look at Windows 98/2000 and wonder 'what the fuck was MS thinking?'

In a healthy OS market Microsoft's web bundling would have been a shot in the foot. Customers would have decided with their dollars that web integration is a bad thing by buying a different OS. Unfortunately, because there is no other viable end user OS for the Intel PC, users got fucked in to having to use MS's BS.

Microsoft keep abusing the word 'innovation'. After listening to Microsoft FUD it begins to sound like it means 'shit', as in 'I need to go take an innovation' or 'innovation happens'.

Why is it nobody gives a shit about standards any more? Microsoft come out with some proprietary shit and everybody embraces it like it's the best thing in the world - even if it's the biggest pile of horseshit in the world.

People are stupid.

1 January 2000

Well, it's year 00...
Lights are still on
Phones are still working
There were no riots or terrorist attacks
The computers are still working (as well as they can with Windows)
No crackers defaced any web sites
All of the traffic lights are functioning
People are still stupid


30 January 2005

Well, it's official, and Netcraft confirm it too: Internet Explorer is dying. Soon the only place you will see IE in use is in large corporations because of badly designed internal web 'apps' that depend on IE's broken HTML or use obsolete technology such as ActiveX, and of course they are always too lazy and/or stupid to fix them.

In the meantime please download a superior browser such as Mozilla / Firefox, Netscape, Opera, Safari, or Konqueror.

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