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Fellating Bill Gates
Everything's set, everything's fine, you just gotta stand in line.
- Peter Garrett
If Bill Clinton had Bill Gates' money he'd never have got into trouble and his wife could now be on her way to DC as better than SOS.
But Bill Clinton didn't have Bill Gates' money. A White House intern got a lot of people in trouble by fellating Bill in the Oval Office while he was on the phone to a US senator. Yet journalists and supposed computer security scientists are fellating Bill Gates all the time and no one raises an eyebrow. In fact they're standing in line to do it.
Who'd want to do such a thing? Ostensibly no one from the Encarta team. But we're not talking about women here - we're talking about men. Men who ostensibly don't even go that route. Why? Why are they standing in line to fellate that excuse for a human being?
For they are. That's a fact. This is not arse-kissing nor is it boot-licking. It's much worse. It's fellatio.
Of course such an accusation assumes the fellated object actually has something to fellate. All things considered this is at best a remote possibility. But it's not the act that counts here - it's the thought. Journalists everywhere - and they can't hide behind their own incompetence anymore - together with computer scientists who definitely know better are down on their knees at the Microsoft campus.
What's in it for them? Their hypocritical comments and articles certainly constitute a mouthful. What are they being paid indirectly or directly? They can't pretend they don't know. They do know. They know damned well what the score is.
It's a functional conspiracy. Either of the well organised kind or the more informal 'everybody knows what to do without being told' kind. The kind that dictates you never slate an advertising sponsor of the stature of Microsoft. The kind that tells you Dan Geer can't stay on after he more or less states Bill Gates is the root of all evil. It's that kind of conspiracy.
A conspiracy that makes Bill Gates feel good and satisfied and like a man again.
Venerable John Markoff is the latest whore showing he's willing to get down for Bill. In a piece dated 5 December entitled 'Thieves Winning Online War, Maybe Even in Your Computer' Markoff does all the requisite research and draws all the correct conclusions save one.
John Markoff has been writing for the New York Times for twenty years. His speciality is Silicon Valley. John is not a computer scientist. But today you don't really have to be one to grasp the bleating obvious. John grasps it alright - he's just not allowed to tell anyone what he knows.
Watching all these real computer scientists scramble to avoid telling people the truth is also a treat. There are things wrong with the Internet infrastructure, they say, but they're not about to tell you where the trouble lies. Dan Geer found out the hard way what happens when you do that.
All Dan Geer did was put his John Hancock on a document alongside Bruce Schneier. The document was a lame suggestion that homogeneity might be the root of all evil on the Internet. And that the fact Microsoft were at the bottom of this homogeneity might be the prime cause of the trouble.
And that was enough. A single phone call to Dan's employer and he was packing and out the door. You can't tell the truth in the world of Bill Gates.
Bill Gates has the money Bill Clinton needed. Bill Gates can buy anything. He could buy a good operating system but he knows he doesn't need to. He only needs to buy the journalists and computer scientists. His money and the threat of reprisals keep them on their knees, begging to be the next in line to do a Monica Lewinsky on him.