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Pussy Galore Ready to File Rape Charges Against 007
'He didn't appeal to my maternal instincts. He raped me.'
To whom it may concern:
My name is Pussy Galore. I'm the former head of the aerial act known as Pussy Galore's Flying Circus. I was in the employ of one Auric Goldfinger. Mr Goldfinger is not available anymore to substantiate my claims but I trust they will be taken seriously anyway.
Approximately 46 years ago I was asked by Mr Goldfinger to transport a certain hostile passenger to Mr Goldfinger's stud farm in the US. I later learned this person was in the employ of Her Majesty's Secret Service where he worked under the code name '007' and had been granted a so-called 'licence to kill'.
The agent's name was of course James Bond, today a household name around the world and a person held in universal high regard.
The facts of the case are as follows.
1. Mr Goldfinger noted that representatives of the US intelligence organisation CIA were lurking about his property with binoculars.
2. Mr Goldfinger suspected they were prepared to come to Mr Bond's aid if they suspected he was being held against his will.
3. Mr Goldfinger advised me to change into more 'appropriate' attire and then show Mr Bond around the property to waylay the suspicions of Mr Bond's colleagues in the CIA.
4. Mr Bond and I proceeded to a barn on the property where Mr Bond made inappropriate and unsolicited advances.
5. I immediately cautioned Mr Bond to stop, explaining that he was not my type. I didn't think I needed to spell out that I was a lesbian: informing him of my unwillingness to accede to his advances should have been enough.
6. Mr Bond continued to molest me and time and again I responded by using my martial arts skills to thwart his advances.
7. But Mr Bond finally got the better of me, positioned himself above me where I lay on the barn floor in the hay, forced his legs between mine, and proceeded to kiss me.
People viewing the footage of this heinous attack by the pig James Bond might today conclude I finally relented, as I seemed to give into his kisses and kiss him back. But my position was such that I'd already told Mr Bond 'no', Mr Bond was clearly a man with a warped understanding of womanhood that didn't know how to take 'no' for an answer, and as he was overpowering me, there was little I could do but give in.
Mr Bond later reported that he was able to defeat the evil plans of my employer Auric Goldfinger by appealing to my maternal instincts. Nothing could be further from the truth. Mr Bond raped me.
I know it's almost 50 years since that incident and I am aware of statutes of limitations but I also saw a documentary on television last night that stated unequivocally: 'JAMES BOND WILL RETURN'. I want Mr Bond to know that when he returns, I shall be ready for him.
Pussy Galore, former aviator (retired)
PS. I think perhaps I'll move to Sweden and ask Mr Bond around for a cup of tea. What I've seen, I can convict a man of anything in that country.