How to End All Problems with 2K/XP Once and For All

We don't have a lot to say about Win2K and WinXP that hasn't already been said elsewhere, but we did receive one good tip which we reproduce in full below, and preliminary reports indicate it works well with Whistler, Singer, Belcher, Boomer, Bollocks, Music Man, Mighty Quinn, Cairo, Macao and Curaçao too.

Preparations:

1. Find one 1.44MB diskette. Diskettes were used for data storage in the last millennium. They were Bakelite and about 3" square, very thin. Look in old storage rooms. Try the attic.
2. Go out and buy one of those huge packs of small Yardley soaps for women. Have the shop assistant wrap it up with an obnoxiously big bow.
3. Buy two dozen orange tulips from your local FTD. Take the flowers home and leave them in the back yard for a few hours until they start withering.
4. Go and visit that grandmother you left your 386 with two years ago.
5. Give her the Yardley soaps and tulips, tell her your car broke down on the way over, and that she'd better take care of the flowers straight away.
6. When she disappears into the kitchen, steal up to your old 386 and start a DOS prompt. Insert your diskette into the 386 and create a bootable image on it. Make sure you have all the files you need: FDISK.COM is the most important.
7. Remove the diskette, put it in a safe pocket, then sit down as far from the 386 as you can and wait for your poor grandmother to return with the tulips in a vase.
8. When she returns, ask to be excused to go to the bathroom but when you pass the kitchen, steal into it and put the Yardley soaps under your coat. Make sure you have the shop receipt so you can get your money back.
9. Sneak out the back door and return home.

Back home with the diskette:

1. Shut down 2K/XP. Be patient. This may take a while. If you get bored, turn on the TV and watch a re-run or two of Days of Our Lives.
2. When the computer finally turns off, insert your diskette. Turn the power back on.
3. When you get the DOS prompt on boot, start the program FDISK.COM.
4. Remove all partitions from all your hard drives.
5. Remove the diskette and all CDs from the computer and re-boot.